Forgiving the Soul Mate Archetype

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/4621838/LorriCoburn082912.mp3

Here is a link to a 30 min. audio on forgiveness and archetypal patterns. If you have quested for your soul mate or twin flame all your life, chances are you have the lovers as one of your archetypes. Archetypes are soul level patterns that we play out. Movies express archetypes--romance movies express the lovers, war movies express the warrior, spy movies express the hunter, etc. 

A Course in Miracles says this entire world is an illusion. So how do we play out our archetypes when we know they're not real? We have to live them and forgive them at the same time. That way, whether we succeed or fail at our relationships, we are whole. The ego says all is lost if we lose our lover. Not true. All is lost when we forget who we are as the True Self.

Forgiveness is our only function--it's what wakes us up. Only when we awaken from the dream of our lives are we truly free.

Twin Flames, Soul Mates & Forgiveness

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/poeticenergynetworkstation/2012/04/13/twin-flames--psychotherapist-lorri-coburn-ann-arbor-michgan Radio interview on twin flames and soul mates. What's the difference? It's a myth that you live happily ever after...unless you forgive. Forgiveness is the magic key.

Love & Betrayal

“You are a slime bag! You’ve sunk as low as you can go! What the hell has happened to you?” I raged inside, fuming over the legal charges my former lover, Kent, had brought against me. I obsessed, “Why? Why? Why? Why couldn’t you just talk to me instead of going to an f-ing court?” For the next four years I alternated between feeling furious and forgiving Kent. Why did he have to end our relationship with hatred? Who had he become? I swore in anger and wept in grief. I study A Course in Miracles, (ACIM) whose primary principle is forgiveness. The Course suggests that we turn over our thoughts to the Holy Spirit, which can also be called our inner voice, our Higher Self. Some things we just can’t forgive on our own, and Kent’s betrayal was one of these. The feelings ran too raw and too deep. I practiced, “Holy Spirit, Help me see this differently. I choose forgiveness. I am not the victim of Kent.” As I held the intention to forgive, the ideas of ACIM began to sink in. A Course in Miracles tells us that our world is a reflection of our thoughts, so Kent’s legal action merely reflected my inner guilt. Indeed, I had felt guilty about my relationship with him for many years. Our relationship began in sordid circumstances, so I felt guilty about that. I felt guilty about still loving him when I was in a good relationship with another man I loved. It began to dawn on me that Kent’s legal charges were not so much about him hating me, as me hating myself. A Course in Miracles tells us that we don’t realize it, but we are actually making other people act out for us. They merely do what we would have them do. This is a tall order when someone kicks you in the teeth. The Course also reminds us that the guilt we are aware of is only the tip of the iceberg. It took me four years to see it, but as I practiced forgiving Kent, I awakened. The process of looking at my guilt was excruciating. On the courtroom stand I sobbed and sobbed, unable to stop myself. I thought the judge must think I was an unstable idiot, but he gave me a good recommendation. I would never have seen the depth of this guilt had Kent not brought legal action. I had been involved in a vicious custody battle for my daughter years before, but apparently had not expiated the inner guilt enough. I needed another court battle to see the bottomless hatred of the ego thought system. I actually thought I loved myself. Once I looked at the guilt I could release it, but I couldn’t heal what I didn’t know was there. Kent was what A Course in Miracles calls my savior. He was my angel in disguise, showing me blocks that needed to be cleared away for me to love myself. Forgiving Kent transferred to forgiving me. The miracle is that I no longer blame Kent for what he did to me, or, as the Course would say, what he didn’t do. I am free. Thank you, Kent. ~I offer spiritual coaching to help you forgive and break free. Contact me at info@lorricoburn.com if you need assistance in moving on.

Dreaming of the Perfect Relationship

Oh, my gosh! I just fell into the trap I grouse about all the time! I just tried to fit the image of perfection again! What a crock!

I had told myself, “I have the relationship every woman dreams of.” I was so proud of my accomplishment. The next morning as Rod and I did our daily Course in Miracles lessons over coffee, I asked him how he felt about something. He refused to go there. It hit me. I don’t have the relationship every woman dreams of! Here’s my man, once again, absolutely unwilling to express his feelings no matter how many subtle, or not so subtle, angles I try.

Shame jumped in. “You are such an idiot! You think you’ve got it made but you’re lying to yourself again. This relationship lacks a crucial element but you have to keep convincing yourself it’s perfect.”

Then I noticed the familiar pattern. I began to dream of being with my true soul mate, the one who will not only express his feelings to me but be perfectly supportive and loving all the time. Someday this relationship with Rod will have run its course and I will move on to an even better relationship.

These are the old hooks I’ve always cast to manage my disappointment with Rod. But this time I didn’t bite. I caught myself falling into the trap, the one that tells me that someday I’ll be perfect. Someday I’ll have the perfect relationship. Someday I’ll be a role model to women of what you can attain if you only work hard enough.

That’s the crock. There is no someday. I picked up my coffee cup and left the room. Roiling emotions stirred my heart and gut. I breathed, and checked in with my inner voice. “Forgive.”

“Ok. I forgive Rod for not wanting to be vulnerable and express his feelings. I forgive myself for wanting that from him and for wanting the perfect relationship. I forgive myself for dreaming that some day I can get what I really want.”

And the miracle happened. My heart opened. I saw the sweetness of Rod and how his style of expression has truly been perfect for me, even though it has not fit my image of perfection. I have put Rod through a lot, which is a story for another time. I don’t guess one man in ten million could have tolerated what I’ve dished out . It’s been his very nature of controlling his emotions, his desire to let me be me no matter how he feels about it, that’s allowed me to grow monumentally through this relationship. And he’s grown in turn, for his goal has not been the perfect relationship, but spiritual growth.

I do have the perfect relationship. And it doesn’t have to look a certain way. Perfection is in acceptance of this moment, as we connect to our inner Spirit and follow Its guidance. Perfection will never come someday.